she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
