So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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