I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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