I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
