Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
