I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
