i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
