ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
