I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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