please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
