i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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