Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
