Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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