We won't sleep together?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
