I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
