best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
