win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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