PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
