Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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