He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
