so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
