I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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