U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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