If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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