great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize