I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
