how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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