Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
