Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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