Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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