lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Welp...herpes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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