So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize