Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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