fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
