i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
