u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
