I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
