Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
