im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
