I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize