I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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