ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
