Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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