Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
