Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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