a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
