Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
