i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
