My cat gives me a boner
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
