sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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