if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
