Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
