She said her name was "party"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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