college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
