And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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