Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
