i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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