I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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