good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
