I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
