So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
