Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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