that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
